My name is Alexander Smith and I am a nymphomaniac. Over the years, I have had problems with people believing my story. They just assume I’m a bad person who is hypersexual and he is looking for an excuse for the bad behaviours he had exhibited in the past. Whereas, if it were to be a female sharing her story, they will look at her with pity and decide to forgive her for her sins.
Everyone has a demon and I am not an exception. But there is always a story behind the demon’s advances- it could intentional and unintentional (or even unaware). In my own case, I was not aware of my demon’s advances, but I grew up knowing I had a demon when I started seeing the manifestation.
You can blame me for all it’s worth, but I’ll still share my story anyway. And I don’t need you to pity me, I just need a chance for everyone to see from my own perspective, as a man, brother, father, husband, uncle, and so on.
My parents were very rich, they still are, just that they are old and they have their investment which I manage. When I was young, money wasn’t the problem- in fact, I sent money on errands, but love and care was the problem. I barely saw my parents- today, they are in New York, tomorrow, they have a business meeting in China. In their defense, they never forgot my birthdays, and to call me every morning and night. Of course, my nanny did all the speaking for me. She gave me the love- she knew when I was sad, happy, hungry, hurt or even when I felt fatherless.
My Nanny and I developed a flash of connection because of the proximity between us. She was there as my mother and father, and I loved her- yes, loved. In her defense, I don’t blame her for what she did to me because she is only being human. But I hate her for taking my innocent childhood and turning me to a beast- raping girls that now call me an animal.
One morning, I had refused to go to school and I was about 7 years old. I insisted on not going to school because I was missing my parents. I spoke to them over the phone but I maintained my stance. My Nanny begged me to at least eat, but refused her pleas. She pet me and kissed me on my forehead, telling me she understood how I felt. She even told me her story that she wished she had a chance to recognize who her parents was before they died in a car accident. I would only be foolish if I didn’t sympathize with her.
So, I agreed to eat on the grounds that she would give me something in return and she agreed without telling me what she had in mind to give me. I agreed anyway. After eating, she said she was going to run a bath for me. Well, I didn’t think that was a bad idea, I mean, she is being working with us since I was a year old. So, no big deal and I agreed to it- I was young and naive.
After bathing me, she wanted to get me dressed and I opted out. She threatened she won’t give me my gift, and as a child I was, I agreed. I had a strange feeling while she was rubbing the cream on my body.
She kissed me on my forehead, then on my cheeks and down to my lips. She asked if I was ready to receive. The excited me screamed “yes!” so loud. She sat me on her right lap and asked to hug her, which I did with so much joy. She held on to me so tight and whispered “I’m sure you’re going to have fun. It’s hurtful but fun.” She began to kiss me on my lips, laid me on the bed and asked me to touch her in sensitive places. I could hear her moan but I was confused.
I agreed to do what she instructed because she was all I’ve got. She had sex with me. At the time, I knew what sex was but I wasn’t sure about the penetration. But she threatened not to tell anyone. She said it’s our little dirty secret and it had to be kept that way.
The sex didn’t stop until I was 15 years old. It happened almost every week and when I grew into realizing it’s an abuse, it became a rape case. But since it used to be just the two of us, there was no way I could speak out, I didn’t even have the confidence to do so. So, most times, I allowed it and whenever she was done, she would say ‘Alex, I love you a lot, and I want the best for you.’
Several times, I had told my parents that I would love to school in the USA, but my dad had a policy that my earliest years in school would be spent in Nigeria, and my degree years would be in the US.
I was excited to leave home for the United States to start my degree, but little did I know that my sexual sense had been destroyed. I had become so used to sex that I became a sex manaic. I could sleep with anything in skirt, and my psychology about sex had been damaged.
I am 27 years old, and I teach in a college in the US, I have slept with different kinds of ladies in my school. For any lady who doesn’t accept my advances, I threaten with results or career. I am a young, smart and handsome man, but many students see me as a beast.
I wished I could go back to the past, I wished my parents were around, I wished I didn’t have such nanny, I wished I had reported her. Presently, I can’t recognize her or describe where she is at the moment, but I’m sure her conscience would judge her.
I believe I can still heal from this barrier. I’m afraid to see a therapist, because I don’t want to end up in jail. But I am here to clarify that I am a male and I have my part of the story. Not every man ever had the intention to be promiscuous, but sometimes, the background is a factor.
This is my story. I don’t want you to judge me, I just want you to know that I am a man who has a story to share.