Why I Can’t Fall in Love Again

I returned home from school one day, just to meet the house unusually crowded. I greeted everyone and went straight to my room. I had a stressed day already so I could not imagine being pulled into any discussion.

The next day, I had already dressed up for school when I noticed that the house was unusually silent as well. As a prospective head girl, I was almost late for school, so I had no choice but to leave the house the way it was and catch up with the school bus.

Later that night, I met my mum looking dull, not as moody as she was in the morning though. I moved closer to her and asked her what happened. She was reluctant to tell me what was going on but after several persuasion, she managed to tell me I now have a stepbrother. I was still trying to wrap my head around what she could have meant by that when coincidentally, my dad called for a meeting that night. It was as though he saw the need to answer the oceans of questions clapping in my mind.

Dad looked brighter than I expected, maybe I was wrong to have expected him to empathize mum’s situation. It was at the meeting that I noticed that two of the visitors that I greeted yesterday actually stayed behind. I furiously grew curious and I started giving different meanings to the word “step brother”. Unfortunately, I could not grasp a thing from the meeting, I had been overwhelmed by my curiosity. After the meeting, I went to meet my sister (who had traveled down from school because of the meeting) in her room, and she told me how we will have to live with an unknown boy whom my dad had been secretly fathering just because mum could not give him a male child. I started developing hatred for my dad, not because of what he did (I do not really know how grievous it was), but for causing my mum pain. I confronted my dad and his response angered me more, so I left for my room not wanting to make my anger obvious in front of the uncircumcised visitors.

The two visitors reduced to one, my stepbrother, whom I still detest. One day, while bathing, I heard a knock on the bathroom door, it was my stepbrother telling me he forgot his phone in the bathroom, it was then that I noticed his phone standing against the bathroom window, I noticed the phone was on camera mode but I thought I had mistakenly swiped it in so I ignorantly handed it over to him. It was after the same scenario repeated itself that I realized he intentionally staged his phone to film me while bathing. I reported to my dad and he yelled at me for cooking up stories to turn him against his son to satisfy my mum. I did not tell my mum because I did not want her to start thinking about it again. My sister had returned to her school.

One day, dad and mum went for a function, leaving my stepbrother and I alone in the house. But before they returned, my stepbrother had raped me twice. I reported the incident to my parents, and it almost led to a fight between my dad who thought it was another strategy of mine to turn him against his son and my mum, who knew her daughter will not lie with such.

The next day, my mum threatened to leave the house and this caused a fight because my dad insisted that she must not leave with me. That was the first time my dad would hit my mum, and I hated my stepbrother more for bringing pain into the family. Mum stormed out of the house to report to someone, dad followed suit and locked me in with my stepbrother, who raped me over and over again. All I wanted to do was break his head with a metal but I was too weak to overpower him. I pleaded with him, but he was too wild. After he satisfied himself, he recorded a video on his phone, forcing me to hit him in the video. When dad arrived, I knew he would not believe me, so I did not bother telling him my side of the story. He ran towards my stepbrother who had feigned being hit and asked what happened to him, he told several lies before presenting the video he recorded to him. My dad whipped me for destroying his home and I determined that that would be my last day in that house.

The next day was Monday, I went to school only to realize that I had been absent for a week. Towards the end of the day, the thought of where I would pass the night filled my head and it was my thoughtfulness that caught the attention of one of my teachers who reported me to the principal. The principal asked what happened and all I could tell him was that I don’t want to go back to that house. I told him a sympathetic lie as my predicament and he agreed. I begged him not to tell my parents but it was too late, he had phoned my mum, he sympathized with her based on what I told him before telling her my request to stay at his place, and my mum, not knowing what I told the principal gave her consent.

I could not bring myself to the reality that I have changed my environment because I could still feel my stepbrother’s rough move on me. But then, I was glad I would live not to see his face anymore. I lost interest in everything, including academics. The principal’s son noticed this and tried to talk me out of it. I felt I could trust him so I told him everything about me. He sympathized with me and promised to help me attain the head girl post. A night before my prefect examination, the principal’s son sneaked into my room with the leaked exam paper. I was happy, but he told me he would hand it over to me, if I could give him sex. Though betrayed, I had no choice but to give in. Two days after, we just got home when the principal called me into his room and asked me to explain how I did not manage to miss one out of the prefect examination questions. I knew there was nothing I could say to vindicate myself. I knew he had caught me already, so before he could query me further, I had started seducing him, before he could resist me, I had grabbed his manhood and we had sex. Ever since, I stopped working hard and started using sex to get whatever I want. I do not have mutual feelings for men, I can have sex with anyone as long as they have what I need in their possession. But now, it has evolve into an addiction. Either with someone that has what I need or not, I must have sex every blessed day. I am currently in a toxic relationship, although my face is damaged due to punches, but I can not leave, because I do not think there is anyone that can satisfy my sexual desire like my boyfriend.

I can only hope that someday, I will be normal again. So, my advice to every person with my kind of background is to get help at the right time. Don’t wait till it becomes worse. Get help and heal! Report to the right authorities and don’t keep it hush, it is never your fault you are in that situation.

1 1 vote
Article Rating
Subscribe
Notify of
0 Comments
Oldest
Newest Most Voted
Inline Feedbacks
View all comments
0
Would love your thoughts, please comment.x
()
x