The love I have for my children is extraordinary, and as a result I wouldn’t want to be a single mother who would raise three children (boys) all by herself. I intend to keep my family together and ensure that we live peacefully and happily, but with what I am experiencing, I don’t think that is possible.I knew my husband is a drunk before I married him and I am aware of his tendency to be insecure, but I thought it could be managed because of the love and care he showed me over the years; he is hardworking, loving, and he doesn’t joke with his children. I love that about him, but I never knew he had the tendency to be violent, that comes with a lot of emotional torture. And to worsen it, our children see these violent activities every day.
Recently, I saw my first daughter crying in her room, pleading to me to leave their father, that she cannot take the torture anymore. But I told her that that’s my fate and that I am strong enough to withstand the storm that comes with spending my forever in the marriage. I told her no marriage is perfect and it is everyone’s responsibility to make things work, which is what I have been doing for over 12 years.
I met my husband when we were in the university, he was studying Civil Engineering and I was studying Linguistics. We fell in love during our final year and we had sweet moments. We held on to each other and remained best friends till marriage. He grew up in a rich family and he could do what he wished; that’s where he got his alcoholism from. I fell in love with him anyway.I can’t see myself not being with him, because he has always been my first but I am tired.
I am in dilemma of raising my kids without a father and going through another emotional torture, probably for the rest of my life. My husband does not just do verbal abuse, he recently transcended into physical abuse. He slapped me once and he begged me for days and promised that it would never happen again. That’s how it started. And then, it happened again and again, that sometimes, he locks me out of the house that I sleep outside till morning.
He doesn’t want to see any friend with me- there was a particular day my friends came visiting because it was my birthday, he called me to the room, slapped me and gave me 45 minutes for them to leave. I had to lie to them that my husband wanted to take me out and he that he intends to make it special and romantic. They understood and left. My husband even threatened to beat me if I ever stayed out later than the closing work hours, which when I did once, he raped me and told me that it is only a prostitute that has a husband and children at home and would still be coming home late.
Well, I feel like my world is shattered but I am certain that I am going to figure out a way out. I am too ashamed to face my parents because they never agreed of the relationship but I married him anyway. I am presently seeing a marriage counselor and I hope that I would find a way. My story is a lesson to all singles.
Please don’t assume that the man is perfect, do research about him, don’t keep quiet, ask questions. When you see a red flag, don’t keep it to yourself, speak out, correct him, check his temperament. Don’t be blinded by love, find balance by doing a reality check. And to every man or woman that is presently abuse, ask for help and don’t be ignorant. Later or sooner, you will find your way around it, but live the rest of your life in agony and bitterness. Domestic violence is not love; it is devilish.