When I was about getting married to my wife, I had a feeling that I would have an amazing marriage and that my relationship would be an example for others to follow. We were two love birds that couldn’t stand being apart for more than 24 hours. I would say I got married to the wife after my own heart- at least that was what I thought during courtship. On several occasions during courtship, I had nothing to worry about; I felt what other problems I have, when I have a woman who cherishes and respects me and who makes me go blind to other women’s advances.
People tell me that I have an amazing and beautiful wife, who is successful and independent. Truly, I am lucky to have her as a wife, but I can’t boldly say that I am blessed to have her. They would compliment me and I will give a proud smile, but deep down, I am not sure that I wish to continue in an abusive relationship.Yes! Abusive relationship. I know you are shocked, but that’s what I am experiencing in my marriage. That I am male doesn’t mean I don’t have a heart or I don’t know what I deserve.
If I love my wife, I deserve to be treated as such with no cohesion. I knew she would grow to being one of the amazing women, making waves at the helm of affairs and I love that about her; this even gave me a reason to respect her more. I never knew I could be in this situation until it started affecting my mental health and has become detrimental to my productivity everyday at the office. You may want to ask the kind of abuse I am referring to. It is emotional abuse.
At first, I thought it was something I could manage; when you are in love with your woman, you can go to any extreme to compromise and condone. My wife will insult me at the slightest mistake I make, she would threaten to report me to the police if I decide to avoid coming home after nagging with her in the morning. She makes me think every day that I have made the greatest mistake of my life.
The most unforgettable experience was that which happened last month. She was in the kitchen and my hand couldn’t reach the cupboard for milk, and so I asked her to help with it. She perceived the cologne on my clothes and asked why I changed my perfume. I told her I didn’t really like the smell and that it’s choking me. Just because she was the one who got it for me a week before the said day, she flared up. She accused me of cheating on her and that it was my side chic that got me the perfume and she demanded that I have a change of clothes.
When I insisted on wearing it, she almost poured hot coffee on my head. When I was trying to dodge, the coffee poured on my shirt and I had no choice but to change it, using the perfume she gave to me, to avoid further exchange of offensive words. I went to the office feeling like a dummy, unhappy and ashamed of my decision to walk down the aisle. She has locked me outside the house before, because I came home late as a result of the heavy traffic. She had refused to give food one evening because I accused her of coming home late to cook dinner, knowing fully well that I have been assisting her.
She had slapped me one morning because I told her I didn’t understand why her career would be her priority every time. We do not have children, yet she blames me for not trying harder and working towards ensuring that we have at least one child. She told me about what her friends are doing and said we could do the same, but I told her I can’t afford it, and then she picked me as an enemy. I love my wife very much, even after the emotional abuse that I have experienced and I have come to accept that that is my fate.
Yes, I know it can get worse, but what I also know is that how many people will agree or support me (as a male) in a campaign against domestic violence on the husband. This is to speak on behalf of the men, that we are being abused too, and that it is killing us because there is no one who will listen or attend to the challenges we face at home. Men are being abused too and we face the challenge of the society making us suck in our problem, telling us to act like men.